Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Good Advice: Never argue with someone who works at a liquor store.

uys, there is something we need to discuss. You must never, EVER argue with a liquor store employee. Not for any reason. Because everywhere else in the world, the customer is always right. I know this. But in the liquor store, the customer is rarely right and usually just ends up looking like a giant douche.

Case in point number 1:
You had this wine the other night. You really liked it, but you got kind of drunk and now you don't remember the name. You aren't sure what grape it was, or where it came from, or even whether the person who introduced you to it bought it at this store. But it was DELICIOUS and you must have it, and will berate me until I produce it for you. Oh, and there was purple on the label, and maybe a dog.

The best possible response you will get from me is a shrug or an "I know the one you are talking about... we don't have it." Even if we do. Just for asking that silly question.

Case in point number 2:
You have already been drinking when you come into the store, and you say so. And when I say I can't serve you because you are already drunk, say "no, I'm not. I'm just high. I smoked some weed, that's all." I raise my eyebrows at you. You spend five minutes putting your money in back in your wallet. You put the wallet back in your pocket. Then you pull it out again and begin counting the money inside. I come around the counter, grab your skateboard, toss it out the door. You chase it.

Case in point number 3:
You kick the door at 10:05 and yell at me because "You still have 10 minutes! I have a cell phone, they broadcast the time from space!"

Sorry, I have trouble taking anyone seriously who claims to have anything broadcast from space. However, the time I go by is broadcast to my computer from the internet. We could argue over it all night, but since you are physically assaulting my building, I don't think I'm going to change my mind.

Case in point number 4:
You threaten that if we don't start keeping the XYZ-cheap cider in the cooler, you will just go buy it at the government store a block away, where they sell it for 40 cents cheaper. DON'T LET ME KEEP YOU.

Case in Point number 5:
You have forgotten your ID, but c'mon, I'm like 30*!

I hear this ALL THE TIME. Congratulations on being 30. I beleive you, I really do. however, the rules state that if I ask you for ID I may not serve you until you produce it. 2 peices. If you have made it to 30, what the H are you doing out of the house without ID? What if you get hit by a bus? Don't you want people to be able to identify your body and notify your family? What if you get caught in the middle of a riot?! You know they can hold you indefinitely until you can prove who you are, right? Get out of here. Look both ways when you cross the street.

*The age group most likely to throw a fit about being ID'd are those who turned 19 like six months ago, gawwd!

And now, something hilarious to enrich your day.


  1. hahahaha! this puts a whole new perspective on going to the liquor store! But you are very right in saying that that is the only place the customer is very rarely right..Don't like that they have that much power but who am I to argue with the gatekeeprs to booze-heaven??!

  2. haha honestly, these are just some of the worse stories. But people who work at liquor stores (at least here, with so many regulations) have a lot of laws to uphold, etc. and can be fined pretty heavily (the actual employee is responsible for one half of the fine, the buisness for the other half), so they are usually pretty good boundary-setters when it comes to drunk people with no ID trying to buy booze after hours.

    The other stories are mostly just because I have very little tolerance for rudeness lol