Monday, August 23, 2010

Dear Dogface:

Dear Luna:
You drive me crazy sometimes. Usually, even. I wish there were a way to communicate with you that I sometimes imagine dropping your leash when we're out on a walk and making out like you've run away from me. Not unlike how I'm sure many mothers - good mothers, reasonable ones - sometimes have fantasies about just leaving their screaming kids in the mall somewhere to be someone else's problem.  Here, I thought you might enjoy a list of all the things you do that make me feel this way.
  • The other day, you peed on the floor while I was getting dressed to take you outside for a pee.
  • And last week, you pooped on the floor ten minutes after coming inside from a long walk.
  • And I really love it when you howl and lunge at other dogs in your vicinity. It's charming. Especially since we both know you only want to play with them, but to everyone else you look like a ferocious maniac.
  • On that note, it's also really nice when you trip me up with the leash to try and say hello to people who are afraid of dogs, and yet when someone tries to stop give you pats, you shy away or show no interest.
  • And when you tear apart the trashcan while I'm away, that really makes me feel special inside.
  • Almost as special as when you roll in cat poo in the backyard or dead, rotting bird/seal/fish at the beach.
  • And it's really fun that when someone knocks at the front door, you go so batshit crazy that I have to put you in another room.
  • Almost as fun as when you race me up and down the narrow stairs when I'm trying to maneuver up them with a laundry basket.
  • Or your stereotypical obsession with mailmen. I understand your need to protect our house, but the neighbors across the street are probably doing okay on their own.
Actually, looking at this list, I'm surprised I haven't sent you running into traffic. (Which, by the way, is another thing you've done to drive me crazy.) Maybe it's something to do with your cute droopy face, or the way you tolerate more poking and prodding and tail-pulling than is possibly reasonable, or the way you come up to me when I'm sitting on the floor and push your whole head into my stomach so that I will scratch your ears and chin. Yes, it's definitely something to do with that.

Blurry, yes, but still cute.

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