Grab your tissues, folks.

Melissa posted this beautiful video today, and it made me cry like a baby.



Theo's Birth video from hailey bartholomew on Vimeo.

This is just exactly why I feel I'm meant to work with childbearing women, someday, in some capacity. Imagine getting to witness this kind of beauty every day - that kind of goodness is just too much for words.

Precipice

n this post, I would apologize for being a bad blogger and never writing anything, except that then, if one were to go through my archives, every second post would be apologizing. And I get in trouble for apologizing for things too much anyway (even things beyond my control), so here:

I refuse to in any way apologize or regret my lack of posts.

...

That felt weird.


Anyway, moving on, the new year is here! And this year (and more importantly, the next four months) is scheduled to be one of the most monumental years of my life so far.

My very last practicum of my very last year of nursing school has officially begun, and not such a very long time after that comes my wedding. And sometime during this madness, between a busy practicum schedule (pediatrics!) and a weekly breastfeeding course and wedding planning and general housekeeping and cooking and living, I have to find myself a job. Oh, and shower every so often.

And even though I know I am capable of living it all one day at a time, I know I will get through it, I know that most likely everything will be fine, or better than fine - fabulous, even! I find myself with the anxiety that I think is inevitable when any person is standing on the verge of a big change.

It's kind of like preparing to jump off a cliff so tall that there are clouds between you and the bottom so that you can sort of see it, but not clearly. And knowing everything you ever wanted is at the bottom of it all, and moreover, that you won't get hurt by the fall.

But oh, what a very high height.

(daily drop cap )

(edit: I went to FFFFOUND just now, and look what's on the very first page:)
(hooray for small coincidences!)

I have a dream (kitchen).

(source unknown)

Everyone fantasizes about the future. I sure do. I believe that visualizing the future helps us figure out what we want and keep focused on the paths to achieving our dreams. Some of those dreams are personal, familial, spiritual, even. Some are financial, especially for those of us toeing the poverty line. One of my dreams is to have a fabulous kitchen.

Shallow, sure. But, well, who doesn't want a fabulous kitchen? But I also dream of attaining that kitchen beautifully and affordably, without anything generic or dateable.

I dream of white lower cabinets, fabulous countertops in a combination of carerra marble (my splurge) and thick butcher block, which I will chop on unashamedly, beleiving that knife marks = character. My dream kitchen has a huge island, a great pantry, and meticulously efficient drawers and cupboards. It doesn't have to be huge, but I'd like the island to house a stool or two at which I can sit with my books and coffee in the mornings.

It has great appliances, but they aren't stainless steel, because I firmly beleive that this is the avocado-green of the future. I cook with gas if possible, but a ceramic cooktop is also acceptable.

there are no upper cabinets, but open shelving is welcome for displaying collections of lovely ceramics and useful tools (in my dream kitchen, dust is not an issue).

floors are wooden. no contest. Limed, if possible, would be perfect. oh, and laid in a herringbone parquet pattern, please.

Backsplashes are important. I like back-painted glass, or black pennyrounds. The walls are white (probably) and there is a skylight or other source of incredible natural light (definitely).

(here via here)

Do you care for a cup of coffee in my fabulous eventual kitchen?

Birthday Goals

Today is my Birthday! I have reached the ripe old age of twenty-two. Somebody get me a cane.

In honour of this, I have decided to make some goals for the coming year:

1. Write - for one short period of my life I was a writer. I ate, slept, breathed poetry. I was good at it. I was published, and not by poetry.com. Prose was not my strong point. But last night I woke up in the middle of the night and decided to write a book. That's right, you heard me. I am going to write a book. I may never have it published, may never submit it for publication, may never finish it, even. But I am going to start.

2. Self-Discipline - This is a blanket goal which ultimately includes my incredible aversion to doing anything I 'should' do. Like getting out of bed on time, going to bed on time, eating healthy foods, exercising, paying my bills, doing readings, walking the dog, writing papers. This goal could also be filed under 'laziness and procrastination'.

3. Lose some weight - I've blogged about this before, so I'll be brief. Goal weight is 145 pounds, which means I need to lose about 10% of my body weight. This is ideally a goal for pre-wedding, and also falls under the self-discipline category.

4. Let go of some control - which means not being so picky about things like how clean the house is, and leaving some space for Kyle's tastes when picking out furniture, etc.

5. That said, get rid of some stuff. - I have been posting a lot about curation of items, and I think that ultimately, what I really need is just to de-clutter and simplify. If it's not being used regularly and I don't have an emotional attachment to it, it needs to go. Yeah, this totally flies in the face of goal #4. What, have you never seen a hypocrite before?

6. Quit smoking, for good. - I am so, so very close. I am at the point where physical addiction is just not an excuse anymore, because it's not possible. I can go for days, weeks even, without smoking, and not miss it. Now to kick the social habit of lighting up every once in a while... this is harder than it sounds, apparently, and something I have been battling for a while now.

6. Finish nursing school. Get a job. Get married. Let grown-up life begin. - speaks for itself... this will be a big year!